Note: the following story contains no exaggerations. At all. Seriously, it all happened. Unfortunately.

I just killed a motherfucking cockroach. Yes, this post deserves any expletives that might happen upon it. I was on the phone with my parents, chit-chatting about the monotony that is my day-to-day, when I saw a softball-sized thing crawling up my bathroom door. Now, living in the garden apartment, I’ve gruesomely murdered my fair share of in-ground creatures– centipedes included (for curious readers: I will absolutely move out the minute I see a rodent.) Usually I leave Fergus to chase after the flies or moths that might get in, but this fist-sized demon monster was above his eye level, and I know my little hound too well– he’d be far too scared of this cockroach than it would be of him.

“BlaaahhhhhCockRoachAaaaahhhhh!!!! It’s antennae are as long as its body!!!!!!!!!!!”

Lord knows Papa K and T-Bone probably laughed a million at my expense, but this.was.not.funny. Mom said something about bug spray or hairspray, but I barely had time to heed warning before dropping the phone and grabbing my nearest weapon of choice– a lint roller.

“FERGUS! FERGUS! FERGUS!” I waited until the cockroach had crawled to the back of the bathroom door so I could sneak attack it with hairspray in one hand, lint roller in the other. I tiptoed in to barrage that insect (are they insects? Arachnids? I’m too freaked out to Google it) with the will and power of something reminiscent of the attacks on Fallujah. Unfortunately, I recently ran out of Garnier aerosol and was left with stealing Avon pump spray out of Mom’s bottom drawer last time I was home, so my weapon of choice was not as effective as I feel it could have been.

I triumphed too early when the ol’ roach went down– he was brilliant at faking dead. Just when I’d released the first vice grips on my heart, the little fuck start running along the baseboards toward the safety of the back of the toilet. Long story short, the cockroach got almost down the hall to my room until I finally worked up the guts to just bash it to juicy pieces with the lint roller. My entire bathroom floor is now covered in hairspray, Fergus can’t stop sneezing, and I guarantee you I won’t get a MINUTE of sleep tonight after knowing that things could be crawling all over me in my sleep.

Today was my best day at work I’ve had since starting. Things just really clicked, and I finally felt confident that coming here was the right choice. That, plus a surprisingly gourmet meal I made on the fly for dinner have both made for a pretty awesome Thursday.

Generally, people in Chicago are way less fat than people in Iowa.

Meat is ungodly expensive here.

The lights in my kitchen dim ever so slightly when I use the toaster or the microwave. It also dims and brightens when my waffle maker turns on it’s “done” light. One of the most useful electrical flaws you’ll ever find.

This week has gone by surprisingly fast after a great long weekend helping Neil move and chillin’ at home. I’m starting to like my job more each week, and it seems I have more to do each day which makes the clock go by faster. Today my co-worker/ work friend (she was hired the same day as me and is the same age) went to the farmer’s market in Daley Plaza over our lunch hour. We both fell in love with it and plan on making the trek there every Thursday. We sampled some amazing garlic cheese, creamed honey, and just ok banana bread, but I managed to make it out with what I went in for– tomatoes and mozzarella cheese. T-Bone hooked me up with some homegrown basil this week, so I made a caprese salad for dinner.

Fergs and I just returned from our longest walk to date around the lake. I messed up my knee something awful on a run the other day so this trek was a bit painful, but the weather has been too nice to stay in and enjoy my newly installed Comcast (someone stop her– she’s talking about the weather again.) In WAY more exciting news, NPH and I are headed to the Britney Spears/ Nicki Minaj concert tomorrow night!! He got me tickets for my birthday, and I think he’s almost as psyched to go as I am. Roomies Lauren & Rachael will also be in town attending the Katy Perry show, so, you know, insert hangover here. And that, my friends, is my most recent life update. Oh, I bought a toilet brush this week after doing the math on whether I could get away with just buying one of those Clorox ones with the disposable heads (nay.)

A bajillion congrats to Kayla for winner that damn Sub-Jammers competition. I wish we could go, but I would smack you in the head if you paid $300 just to register for some sandwich convention. I will instead turn my vacation interests once again to Vegas. Like a mistress in the night, she’s been calling to me (and it doesn’t help that The Mirage keeps sending me emails. Whoever signed me up for that list, that was a cruel joke, and I love you for it.)

Today was the first weekday in a long while with nice enough weather for me to finally eat lunch by the lake. It’s only two blocks from where I work, so I had plenty of time to hang out next to Lake Michigan, eat lunch (greens with tomato and marinated tofu today– so classy, I know) and watch people run, rollerblade, walk & swim by. To the people who are out there in their tri-suits, swimming against the waves: GO YOU. I also discovered a completely adorbs Farmer’s Market only a block from my building, right outside the contemporary art museum which also happens to have free admission on Tuesdays. Between my work’s free gym and the surrounding areas (H&M, I’m looking at you– sorry, paycheck) there’s plenty of things to keep me occupied for my full lunch hour.

And on the days it rains and I’m too lazy to get into the gym? You can bet I’m looking up flight prices to Vegas like a FIEND.

Happy birthday to my grandfather and most vocal blog supporter who is celebrating a pretty big number today! (You’d never know it, though. He’s a handsome devil who doesn’t look a day over 65.) I wish I could have joined in what I heard was a fabulous celebration, but it’s unfortunately a pretty long drive and I’ll be heading back to Iowa next weekend. NPH is moving for his job on the first of the month, so I get to repay him for helping me move in by doing the same for him. Thankfully he has far less furniture and shoes to haul than I did.

This weekend, Roomie Lauren paid Fergs, Chi-town & myself a little visit which coincided nicely with the Pride activities happening literally outside my front door. And now, some photos, since the only words to sum up our time together would be food, booze & snarky girl-time chatter.

Oh, and tonight I made brownies from scratch as well as pressed, marinated and grilled some tofu for lunches this week. Ausgezeichnet!

To my family who’s been wondering: I have not yet signed any lease, and I haven’t moved to Chicago more than the boxes piled in the backseat and trunk of my car. I start my job in two days, so technically I’ve moved, but I’m still hanging out through the graciousness and hospitality of NPH’s family. When it does come time to settle for good (this weekend???) all my stuff is all packed and just waiting in IC for a moving van.

I was going to embed a video from last week’s episode of South Park, the best few minutes of television ever to air in the history of cable television, but Viacom pulled it from YouTube. Just know that Slash was on as some sort of mythical Santa Claus character, and I’ve never been more proud.

One large pat on the back goes to me for remembering to continue updating you on my apartment hunting saga.

When we last left off, I had only seen two places. Thankfully, that number has at least tripled, and I feel much more optimistic about the fact that I most likely won’t be sleeping on a park bench when I begin my job in a week (!!!) Last night, I saw a one bedroom in Buena Park that restored my faith in the Chicago rentals market. It quickly became the top contender, though I still had a day full of appointments to get through before making a decision.

I woke up quite early on this rainy morning to look at a few places in Logan Square. One was a hell no from the beginning, but the second was AWESOME, but not worth it location-wise (close to public transporation, kinda sketchy neighborhood.) And then, I found it. IT. The place. The place. (Or so I thought?) Right next to the lake– like RIGHT next to the lake– dishwasher, huge bedroom and living room and larger kitchen, air conditioning, elevator, fitness center. The catch: they only take dogs up to 20 pounds. Now, I will be the first to tell you that getting a dog in college was dumb with a capital D, but I’ve made my bed so will now lie in it. And to be honest, I’ve gotten pretty attached to that hound, and I don’t want to live my life in Chicago without NPH and Fergus. (And for those of you wondering, he’s visibily not 20 pounds, and will only get bigger. Fergus, I mean. Well, Neil, too.)

Disgruntled, discouraged, I went to view my final place. It’s actually really great, and made me much less sad about possibly have to do my dishes by hand. It might not have a dishwasher or a lake view, but getting both of those things on my first time out would just make me spoiled! It’s actually closer to downtown, and is in a much more “happening” (yes, I just threw down vocabulary expected from only a geriatric) neighborhood than my above dream apartment. I will sleep on it, and see if the other place is willing to take my adorable hound, as my realtor really wants me to do so he doesn’t lose the sale. Either way, I really hope to be back in Iowa City at some point tomorrow because, as lovely as this has been, I just wanna go home. Which I won’t be able to call that for much longer. Sad face?

(I realize that by labeling this “Part I,” I’m pseudo-promising at least one follow-up post. We’ll see what happens.)

I’ll start by thanking everyone who attended one of my three graduation festivities this weekend. I ate too much, drank too much, and got to spend quality time with people I probably won’t see for a while. I’m currently in Chicago to find a place to live before I start my job one week from tomorrow (cue heart attack-like breathing.) Today I only have three appointments, tomorrow I have five or six. The first one today was just a giant NO before I even saw the inside. As Natalie said, who thank goodness came with or I would have been bored and lost, “If it looks like this during the day, you probably don’t want to live here at night.”

The second place I looked, the place that is RIGHT DOWNTOWN in a great neighborhood, steps from bars, restaurants, shopping, civilization (and most importantly my office) was ok. Just ok. Not Holy-Whizbang-Sign-the-Lease-Right-Now as I was really hoping it would be. It has a lot of “Pros”– price, only on the second floor, fabulous location, almost everything included in the rent, but it’s a studio, and I’m just not sure how I feel about living in one room for at least a year. I’m also really looking into subleases because I don’t want to rush into finding a place and signing a longer term lease when I really have no idea where I want to live. Alas, I will trudge on through more appointments, more smelly hallways, more treacherous driving and parking situations. I really don’t want to be here all week. Don’t even get me started on the actual moving in part. Maybe my boss will just let me sleep in the office.