In my many years of roaming this Earth, I’ve had more holiday meals than I can count.  This is partly because I have three sets of grandparents and we celebrate holidays separately with each of them.  But it’s mostly because our family really likes to eat.  With so many under my belt, I realize what I’m about to say is a pretty bold statement, but follow me here:

Last night’s Thanksgiving dinner with my friends was the best holiday meal in the history of time.

Everyone ’round the table agreed.  It. Was. Perfect.  Before seeing Adam Richman (which we’ll get to a little while later) I dropped off my b-e-a-UTIFUL pie at 529.  You can all imagine what this house usually looks like; it’s residents are four 20 & 21-year-old males.  One of their entire walls is a shrine of empty beer cans and a rainbow of empty Smirnoff bottles, with a Jack Daniels flag over the whole thing.  It is not unusual to step over bodies when over for a visit.

So imagine my complete shock when I walked in and the place was sparkling.  We’re talking counters so clean we could have eaten off ‘em, nary an empty alcohol container out of place, they’d put leaves in their dining room table and it was SET– complete with real silverware and folded napkins.  I almost cried.  The four boys who live there were wearing khakis, dress shirts, and their shirts were tucked in.  It was the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. 

When I returned for dinner, Bestie had the turkey all ready to go.  I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A BEAUTIFUL TURKEY IN MY LIFE.  You so think I’m exaggerating, but I took a bazillion cell phones pics and will prove it to you.  The best part was it actually tasted fantastic.  This bird was ridonculous.  And he was just all, “It’s no big thing, I just Googled ‘turkey recipe.’”  In addition, the 529′ers had made mashed potatoes, gravy, deviled eggs, rolls, and corn on the cob (box potatoes, pre-made throw in the oven rolls, and Hy-Vee deviled eggs, but STILL!!).  We had a salad and cranberry sauce and held hands and said grace and everyone was nice to each other and there was Christmas music in the background and it was so, so awesome.  As someone around the table said, “I love you guys so much right now.”  SO. TOUCHING.  It’s okay, go ahead and grab a tissue.

The best part was probably the “cider wine” that was concocted– aka, a box of Franzia white wine mixed with apple juice and some cinnamon.  You know, real classy shit.  And then we had pie (which was a super big hit– I am so getting the bid for the room in 713 opening up next August), so by the time it was all said and done, we were ready for bed.  But we watched Training Day instead.  Everyone helped clean up and talked about how this was way better than any holiday dinner we have with our families because we could yell “Penis!” as loud as we wanted (I would like to point out I am not the one who made this discovery, but it did keep some people around the table entertained for way too long.  Yeah, yeah– so we’ve discovered there’s a difference between classy and mature.)  And then one of my friends went to go carve the rest of the turkey because “If I don’t do it now, no one will” and everyone in unison said something about that’s EXACTLY what their mothers say on Thanksgiving (only usually about dishes or putting away leftovers.)  They even packed everyone take-home plates  because “There’s just so much food!” 

Bee tee dubz, I’m home alone right now and have discovered the Christmas candy Mom has made  to go to Kansas City with us later this afternoon.  Helllooooo, peanut clusters.  And peanut butter balls.  And chocolate-dipped pretzels.  I also found the veggie tray, but eff that noise.

ANYWAY– so Adam Richman.  This engagement was NOT about Man vs. Food, to the chagrin of at least half the people in attendance, most especially the three bros behind me.  The beginning was B-O-R-I-N-G, he repeated himself over and over talking about all the different cultures in Brooklyn and how they all bring their own stories to the food we eat, and we all have our own story, and don’t let anyone tell you your story sucks, and he grew up with an awesome story, and shuuuuuuuuuuuuuut up.  Yeah, I get it.  People from China eat different food than the Norse.  MOVE ON.  Then he started talking about the history of certain foods, and I mean DETAILED history.  Like, he knows dates and places and names of rulers that most history majors don’t know, which is way cool for some people, but I had classy cider wine drinking to do, you know?  Though if I’m ever on Jeopardy and get asked what country the bagel originated in, I will leap over my podium, assault Trebek with my buzzer and yell “WHAT IS AUSTRIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  (And you thought it was Israel.)

Anywhoodles, then he moved onto to the “cooking demonstration” portion of the evening.  He was sweating “like R. Kelly at the Kids’ Choice Awards” (his words, not mine) during this entire thing and wiping his sweat on his hands up through his hair, no biggie… til he went to make spaghetti carbonara… and didn’t wash his hands.  I’m certainly not the germ police, but even I was like ew-uh.  The dish smelled insanely awesome though, and now I have a super fast and easy recipe should I ever need to make gourmet semi-Italian food in a dorm room.  Then he did a Q&A portion with the audience and then it was done.  Would I see him again?  No.  Would I recommend people go see this?  Probably not.  This might even make me a bit turned off to Man vs. Food.  I don’t know why, I just wasn’t super feeling him.  But he did refer to himself as “Jewy McJew Pants” more than once, and I laughed.

Today I’m thankful for my dear brother (who I may or may not have just accidentally ratted out to Mom that he’s hungover and now he’s gonna be all mad at me SORRY, I’ll throw myself under the bus for you sometime.)  Sorry for all those times when we were super young that I’d physically hurt you then tried to make you laugh so you’d stop crying and wouldn’t tell on me.  I was such a bitch in my elementary years.

So, off to KC I guess.  Still have a first draft due… anytime now.  Might be opening presents tomorrow, typing away in the corner.  Blllech, my tummy hurts from all the stolen treats.  T-Bone’s home now, though– at least she didn’t seem to mind me drinking milk directly from the gallon.

It will be a miracle if I make it through this week.

If you put up entire Facebook albums of your cats, I judge you.

Thanksgiving 1 of 3 was a success.  Lots of food.  My french silk pie was bomb-diggity.

I had my first dream last night about leaving for Germany– I was saying good-bye to my friends and sobbing.  Excellent.  Let’s hope the actual parting of ways will be much less of a shitshow. 

There is something in my contact.  It has been there all day.  I hope it’s not a hair like last time.  There was an actual HAIR from my HEAD in my EYE.  When I finally discovered what it was and pulled it out and showed it to a lady at work she was all “Ewwww” and I was all “This is the coolest thing everrrrr.” 

The guy from Man vs. Food, Adam Richman, is coming to town on Thursday to, I don’t know, talk about himself and food I guess.  I have a ticket though I’m not sure that I want to go.  I don’t know anyone else going.  And if he’s not eating then… whatever.  We’ll see if I even make it to Thursday.

The good news of going home is that Mom gave me a loaf of bread.  Our apartment already houses a toaster, and now I have bread?  I think you know what this means.  Saturday morning’s toast fail will be long forgotten tomorrow morning. 

Have you heard the new duet by Boys Like Girls and Taylor Swift, “Two Is Better Than One”?  BLLLEEEECCCHHH.  Yes, cruel world, I realize two is better than one.  What if you can’t have two though?  What if you are destined to only be one forever?  I mean, I sooooo enjoyed no less than four relatives today asking if I was dating anyone, how my “love life” is, and then one going, “So really?  No love life?”  Yep.  None.  Zero. Dead in the water.  Complete asexual– THAT’S ME.  Or perhaps– and follow me on this, I realize it’s a far stretch– I’m a junior in college and not actually looking to put on a ring on it anytime soon.  WOAH-UH.  I know, your mind was just blown. 

Bestie told me the other day that I had “spunk”.  So today I am thankful for… my spunk.  You probably don’t have spunk like I do.  That’s okay– I’ve been working on mine for awhile.  Maybe I was born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline.

Roomie would like you to know that “Brady and Moss together are ridiculous.”  Which means good.  She is from that Satan place Massachusetts and thus is a “Pats” fan (that means Patriots).  Tom Brady isn’t exactly hard to look at.  Hehe.  Hard.

There are four weeks of school until finals week.  I only have one final, so really, only four weeks of school til this semester is DONE-ZO.  <Insert hyperventilation-like breathing here.>

Have roomie & I found someone to be a second subleaser on our apartment yet?  NO.

I have I opened my legal & ethical textbook since the first test?  NO.

Have I gotten my topic proposal for the term paper due next week approved yet?  NO.

Have I written detailed love notes and collated beautiful scrapbooks of our time together for every single one of my friends and acquaintances should I succomb to some sort of premature freak death while abroad?!  NO.

Do you know what I have done?

Bought tickets to see Adam Richman from Man vs. Food when he comes to town next week?  YES.  Love him.

Put off grocery shopping for so long that the ONLY things in my kitchen are: oatmeal, one Lean Cuisine (lunch tomorrow!), a bag of gross mixed nuts and dried fruit from Costco, two eggs, vodka, and chocolate chips?  YES.  And I will not be going to the store until after I go home this weekend, where I expect to be loaded up with enough food to avoid the store until after Thanksgiving break.

Spent way too much time pondering why half of the people I know were born this week?  YES. 

Been really proud of myself for figuring out the answer to the above question?  YES– 9 months before now was Valentine’s Day.  You know what that means.  S-E-X.

I’ve also pitched my first post ideas to this place on the ol’ Internet where I will be a contributing writer and I’m REALLY EXCITED for it because although it’s unpaid, it’s like, up and coming mannn, and they will be totally awesome clips for my portfolio, mannn (<– I have no idea what that was.  Me channeling Jeff Spicoli, I guess.)

Fact about me that none of you knew until RIGHT NOW: my favorite channel on Pandora (besides the Christmas one, obviously, which I’ve tired of) is the string quartet channel.  I really love Franz Liszt.  Currently “String Quartet No. 7 in A Major” by Franz Josph Haydn is playing.  Hmmm… maybe I’ll meet a Franz in Germany and he can play me sexy string music.