The next season of Teen Mom on MTV starts on Tuesday. This has to be in my Top Five times I’ve ever been this excited for a television event. I’m not going to apologize for being MIA because silence is better than forced posts that are me recapping another booze-fueled weekend in Iowa City, my growing attachment to my boyfriend, owning up to the fact I’m barely running anymore, or the angst-y trials of feeling like an adult while living with the ‘rents. I could tell you about the glowing mid-season internship review I had at work, but that would just be gloating. I suppose a problem I’ve been having with blogging is that my insides are rebelling against this whole sharing-everything-with-the-Internet thing. I’m starting to become agitated with the blogs that fill my Google Reader– if I read another race recap or see another photo of a perfectly nutritionally-balanced breakfast I’m going to leave my laptop lying in an intersection. My Facebook usage has plummeted and absolutely no one on Earth has been negatively affected by this. I’ve many times contemplated deleting my Twitter account altogether, though I won Pancheros Twitter Trivia a few weeks ago and dammit those burritos are reason enough to stay activated. I actually– drumroll, please– went to the LIBRARY the other day and checked out a nonfiction book that I am LOVING. It’s called The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller and it’s quite thought-provoking (a phrase I don’t like now that I’ve used it.) Lollapalooza’s in three weekends, and I seriously need to sit down and provide instructions for NPH in the very likely event that I undergo some sort of physical bodily reaction from being in the same airspace as the Lady herself– i.e. heart attack, stroke, seizure, or just peeing my pants in public. Once the excitement of that dies down (WHO scheduled her to play Friday night– aren’t you supposed to save the best for last??) I’ll be making weird amounts of toast at Neil’s parents house because I don’t know what kind of bread they buy but DAMN it’s good. And then after that, well, summer will almost be over and I don’t really wanna think about that yet.

My suitcases are full, the Post-It lists on my wall are mostly checked off, the Hawkeyes are on TV in six hours.  I’ve been much calmer today than anticipated, kind of like the night before studying for a final when you just can’t care anymore about what grade you’re going to get.  I did have one mild to moderate breakdown (not for any particular reason, though being in a cemetery may not have helped) in which I found myself in a vehicle with no tissues and resorted to using my new scarf to wipe the streaming snot from my face.  But other than that, pretty freakin’ excited.  The German foreign exchange student my brother went to prom with lives in the town I’ll be studying in and although (I’m fairly certain) we never met, she’s excited for me to come and show me around and take me out on the town.

Internship application 3/3  was sent today, the one I’m most excited about, the one I’d PEE.MY.PANTS. if I got.  Maybe I’ll get ambitious and apply for more while abroad (HA).  Apparently with my spending habits, I need to find more than 10-15 hours at a sandwich place a week  to supply some cashflow.  I’m predicting around mid-March or April I’ll start freaking about my nebulous summer plans, don’t worry– I’ve accepted my self-diagnosis of CRIPPLING NEUROSIS.  I think when my mom and I went to the mall last week and I wouldn’t go up and ask the hair salon lady if I could get an appointment she realized that her daughter is a social FREAK (perhaps a new spin on the blog could be WhatMentalIllnessIsBrittneyOnTheCuspOfToday.com)

NPH keeps telling me to calm the truck down (<–see?  2010 resolution of swearing less), that “everyone loves Americans” (blatant lie) and “you’ll make friends so fast you’ll freak” (blatant Jimmy John’s rip-off.)  I’m no longer talking to him however because currently he and three other of my good friends are drunk in Miami for the Orange Bowl.  When he asked if I was just “chilling all day” and I said AREYOUHIGH today might be one of the most critically busy days of my life he responded “Oh yeah.  Well I just have drinking and football.”  I’m just SO happy for you.

My layover tomorrow in Chicago is four hours long.  I will not have a cell phone, thus it’s really a crapshoot as to whether I’ll have my sanity.  My trusty shiny new blue laptop will be with my however so I will be blogging, Facebooking, Twittering up a storm– how excited are YOU?!

I’ve tried blogging a few times today and it just wasn’t happening.  The amount of food I’ve consumed (yes, I eat more the day after Thanksgiving than on the actual holiday) has apparently inhibited words from forming.  It was bound to happen someday.

My last DQ pumpkin pie blizzard of the season was had on the ride home from Grandma’s house.  There were too many crust pieces in it, but that’s kind of like saying there was too much money in my bank account– not actually a real problem. 

Going back to my apartment can’t come soon enough, though I’m SUPER PSYCHED for our VISITOR and BARBECUE tomorrow!!!  He will be here for less than 24 hours, but in that time I feel Bestie will be force-fed an inordinate amount of food by my mother.  His agenda seems to be shooting guns and drinking (perhaps together, whatever– it’s rural Iowa.)  Kayla is NOT coming over because she’s a butthead.  Yes, I called my best friend a butthead.  No, I have no used that term since approximately the third grade.  Some sort of familial obligation– whatever.

If you put up pictures of yourself on Facebook, that’s fabulous, but your tongue should be sticking out in less than 1/3 of them.  Anymore than that and you’ve just got real problems.

Carbs… hurting… brain.  Hopefully I sleep til noon tomorrow and Bestie comes shortly after.  You  know what?  His name’s Neil.  I’m done calling him Bestie.  Natalie calls him Neil Patrick Harris (and no, they’ve never met, that’s just how much he comes up in everyday conversation.)  So maybe I’ll just call him NPH from now on.  He doesn’t read my blog anyway (asshole) so there you  have it.  Bestie’s real name is Neil.

It will be a miracle if I make it through this week.

If you put up entire Facebook albums of your cats, I judge you.

Thanksgiving 1 of 3 was a success.  Lots of food.  My french silk pie was bomb-diggity.

I had my first dream last night about leaving for Germany– I was saying good-bye to my friends and sobbing.  Excellent.  Let’s hope the actual parting of ways will be much less of a shitshow. 

There is something in my contact.  It has been there all day.  I hope it’s not a hair like last time.  There was an actual HAIR from my HEAD in my EYE.  When I finally discovered what it was and pulled it out and showed it to a lady at work she was all “Ewwww” and I was all “This is the coolest thing everrrrr.” 

The guy from Man vs. Food, Adam Richman, is coming to town on Thursday to, I don’t know, talk about himself and food I guess.  I have a ticket though I’m not sure that I want to go.  I don’t know anyone else going.  And if he’s not eating then… whatever.  We’ll see if I even make it to Thursday.

The good news of going home is that Mom gave me a loaf of bread.  Our apartment already houses a toaster, and now I have bread?  I think you know what this means.  Saturday morning’s toast fail will be long forgotten tomorrow morning. 

Have you heard the new duet by Boys Like Girls and Taylor Swift, “Two Is Better Than One”?  BLLLEEEECCCHHH.  Yes, cruel world, I realize two is better than one.  What if you can’t have two though?  What if you are destined to only be one forever?  I mean, I sooooo enjoyed no less than four relatives today asking if I was dating anyone, how my “love life” is, and then one going, “So really?  No love life?”  Yep.  None.  Zero. Dead in the water.  Complete asexual– THAT’S ME.  Or perhaps– and follow me on this, I realize it’s a far stretch– I’m a junior in college and not actually looking to put on a ring on it anytime soon.  WOAH-UH.  I know, your mind was just blown. 

Bestie told me the other day that I had “spunk”.  So today I am thankful for… my spunk.  You probably don’t have spunk like I do.  That’s okay– I’ve been working on mine for awhile.  Maybe I was born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline.

Roomie would like you to know that “Brady and Moss together are ridiculous.”  Which means good.  She is from that Satan place Massachusetts and thus is a “Pats” fan (that means Patriots).  Tom Brady isn’t exactly hard to look at.  Hehe.  Hard.

My arm still hurts from giving double platelets last week.  The perils of being a rockin’ citizen…

Sometimes when I’ve been drinking classy spirits, I get extremely defensive of Slash.  One person saw the wallpaper on my phone (it’s of a Slash poster in my room) and we got into a discussion about it that ended with him saying, “Why would I like a band my parents liked?” and me having to walk away in utter disgust.  Last night, while celebrating my friend’s birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY Jordan, Andy, Emily, Angela, Kieran, Jennifer… see, I told you there were lots) a new acquaintance was asking someone’s opinion on Chinese Democracy (Guns n Roses newest album that blew the big one, for those of you who are out of the loop.)  So I HAD to jump in and we HAD to have a battle of wits over GNR as a whole. 

This person was unimpressed that I had met Slash.  That my RIGHT HAND had been on or near SLASH’S RIGHT HAND.  His retort was actually, “I’ve shaken Spencer Pratt’s hand.”  Oy vey.  This kid was batting zero all over the place.  I won’t bore you with our geek-out trivia session we had about the greatest band of all time, but it at least ended civilly with a fist bump and a friending on Facebook.

Do you know what is the coolest thing that’s ever going to happen to me?  My main bitch Lauren (sorry, Grandma, but that’s what she is.  It’s a term of endearment) will be student teaching in Vegas after graduation.  Like it’s already in stone.  Like she’s going to LIVE in Vegas.  Like, I’ll have a place to stay and an excuse to go to Vegas.  So, so, so excited.  She’s a vegetarian, but I feel I’ll eat enough In-n-Out Burger for her and all the other non-meat eaters in the whole world.

I woke up rilllll excited to go on PRSSA company tour in Des Moines tonight/tomorrow.  Shout-out to Natalie, the best planner EVER (she in no way told me to do this.  Ok, maybe just a little.  But she’s a loyal fan )

High-fives are my preferred method of greeting.  I high-five people a lot– when I’m excited, when I see them on the street, when I say something awesome and they’re like “Wow, Brittney, I’m glad I know you and hang out with you because you’re so awesome.”  Yeah, I know.  I’ll grace you with a high-five.

Happy Veteran’s Day!  All the banks in town were closed, yet we hospital workers still had to show up.  Huh.

As if four months in Germany wasn’t enough to look forward to (if you’re bored, sometime count how many times I’ve talked about studying abroad in the last two months.  Get a life, Brittney) my family and I will be setting sail on a CRUISE to the Cayman Islands for the new year.  As in, get back home January 4th, fly to Europe January 6th.  I like to stay on my toes, people. 

Some people on Facebook are making their statuses one thing they’re thankful for from now until Thanksgiving.  Since I save my Facebook statuses for stuff that really matters (i.e. GUESS WHAT BITCHES, I’M GOING ON A CRUISE! … okay, it wasn’t exactly like that) perhaps I’ll do it here. 

Today, drumroll please, Brittney is thankful for Caffeine.  Is that lame?  Well, it’s the truth.  That’s been the overlying theme of this lifetime week.  Sometimes people see me bleary-eyed, straight outta bed, puffy eyes/face/snotty-nose, heading to work, and they stare.  Little children scream.  Boys I know on the bus tell me I look tired.  Thank you, young sir, I really thought I look simply as ravishing as I feel at SEVEN-THIRTY IN THE MORNING.

My boss announced at our staff meeting today my LAST DAY AT WORK!!!  December 10th.  I have so many fun countdowns going on right now. 

My best friend Kayla (is it okay that I finally used your name?  I feel the entire blogosphere knew anyway) wants me to tell the world what I once said were my two most hated things in the world: beer pong and the elderly. 

Off to our last PRSSA house meeting of the year.  And then to the Vine with my main IC bitch Lauren.  And I feel a freakish amount of other people I know will also end up there because the Vine is like our place, mannnn.  (I recently saw Fast Times at Ridgement High for the first time, I sincerely apologize.)

Hi,

My name’s Brittney,

(“Hi, Brittney!”)

And I am a social media addict.  (Shame on you for thinking it was anything else…)

I was reading this article this morning: http://www.retrevo.com/content/blog/facebooktwitternewcigarette that basically acknowledges my generation being a bunch of TwitteringFacebooking freaks– and I’d have to agree, especially seeing that over 1/3 of people surveyed tweet, text, or check their Facebook after sex.

The thing is, though, I am one of these freaks! (Note: I am not acknowledging that I am one of these 36% because that would be acknowledging that I have, in fact, kissed a boy which means that no, I am not in fact entering a convent after college.  That is just a road this blog does not need to travel down today, or ever.)  Friends and I have actually had the discussion “What would we do without the Internet?  How did college students do research papers before Google?” 

I realize this makes us sound like complete dolts, and in many respects we are.  If the World Wide Web were to suddenly disappear, therapists would see a lot more clients because 1.) the withdrawal would be a bitch; and 2.) we would feel completely disconnected.  God forbid we pick up the phone or have lunch with an old friend– log on to Facebook chat, talk about yourself for five or ten minutes, and it’s like no time passed at all!

The big number seemed to be “these kids are checking their Facebooks more than TEN TIMES a day!!”  Yep.  I believe it.  Mostly because the ol’ Fbook is my homepage when I pull up the Internet (it would be either that or Perezhilton.com people, I never claimed to be refined.)  Apparently the iPhone is quite a large enabler when it comes to this– thankfully I don’t have one because 1.) I would break it/ lose it/ drop it in a pitcher of beer/ use it as a bartering chip in a drinking game and lose/ leave it on the bus/ etc. ; 2.) I hate, hate, hate that touch screen; 3.) I would be on the Internet EVEN MORE than I currently am, which is a shameful, embarrassing amount of time.

I am not proud of my time on the Internet– I’m sure I’d be much more worldly if I logged off and picked up a book.  I’d be at least ten pounds thinner if I put down the tweets and laced up my running shoes.  But it’s what I’m supposed to do, how I talk to my friends, it’s even helped for journalism assignments when I have to find interviews/sources/creep on people I don’t know just for the sake of my grade.

And hooooo doggy, do I creep.  I can find anyone, and we’re talking anyone, who has a Facebook.  It’s not that hard– a couple of search terms, their general area of residence (it’s an immense help if you know what school they go to…)  It once took me about half a day to find someone from Australia given only a first name and their continent of residence, but by golly I did it.  (Having said that outloud, wow, Brittney– WOW… pathetic.)

I have been Facebook-less and phone-less (never at the same time, what are you, CRAZY?!?!) and not gonna lie, it felt awesome.  When you’re off of Facebook for say, 48 hours, and you log back on, you realize…. nothing has changed.  Barring no natural disasters or sudden deaths you haven’t been informed of, Suzie Q from down the hall is still complaining about how she just can’t study for her bio test, and that guy you hooked up with and awkwardly friended the next day still has not sent you a message about how he just can’t stop thinking about you because let’s face it, he hasn’t once thought about you.

My big question for this sickos social media-ing after sex survey (a hint of alliteration– did you get it?  I thought it was nice…) is what are they saying?  I’ve never seen a Twitter update “Just did the horizontal no-pants dance with @brittneyw, hope she leaves my bed soon!”  I’ve seen a few racier Facebook statuses, but those generally come with the territory when you’re friends with a large portion of the hormone-driven campus of really any college.  I guess the survey didn’t say that they’re updating the world on their behind-closed-door goings-on, they’re simply checking to see what POSSIBLY could have happened in the (let’s face it) 15 minutes that they were disconnected.  Oh, and texting at least one of their friends– those gems are the reason Texts from Last Night is so popular (looooove it!!)

In conclusion, I have been up way too early for being “on vacation.”  A few good things have come of this, however:

1. Shout out to Hampton Inn for a pretty decent continental breakfast.

2. I have discovered  yet another networking site (mwah-ha-ha) but this one has, so far, proven to  be more helpful than most I’m shamelessly registered for.  Live Mocha http://www.livemocha.com is a site that helps you learn a language by using others who speak that language.  For example, I am registered as a person who’s native language is English and is beginning to learn German (Ich bin eine Frau.)  People who actually speak German can review my pronunciations, give me feedback & in return I can do the same (I just reviewed someone’s written exercise– he only messed up by saying “I am is tall and young” and I was all “Yo, homeskillet– you can take out the is.”)