The main library is approximately 200 degrees.  This is in no way an exaggeration.  I’ve gotten here long before the rush, but don’t worry—I still won’t be productive for at least another two hours.  I am currently enjoying Mediterranean salad, hummus & a pita from OASIS, the best best best falafel joint in the world!  They also happen to package these little lunch packs for convenient purchase with a swipe of the ol’ U-Bill at the library café downstairs.  The students who are here sneered at me like the complete imposter I am when I rolled up in my jangly airplane sneakers (note to self: do not wear these shoes when carrying out sneak attacks.)  I have found a nice two person table to myself in the corner and I SWEAR to all that is holy if someone comes up and sits across from me, completely overstepping personal boundaries, I will cut a bitch.  Unless said bitch turns out to be an attractive male between the ages of 18-25, preferably with dark hair and an affinity for bucking authority.

Do you think people judge me when they see me smelling my food before I eat it?  Most of you probably did not know that about me, but alas, I am one of the 2.7% of Americans who lives with the uncontrollable urge to sniff their food before consuming it.  Yeah, be grossed out.

In other way more important news… MY PLANE TICKETS ARRIVED TODAY.  They are so going under my pillow so I can talk to them before I go to sleep every night.

Oh my sweet golly—can I have my wedding cake frosted in this hummus?!  I saw they also are selling sweet potato chips downstairs.  Someday, if I ever have a terrible break-up or something, please refrain from bringing me a pint of ice cream & a spoon—bring me Oasis hummus and those sweet potato chips to dip in it.

My mom just dialed me on her cell phone with her butt or something and didn’t realize it.  I’m now listening to a sweet voicemail of her tap dancing or being eaten by wolves—it’s all quite muffled.  Hopefully she’s not in some grave danger and her split-second decision to call her firstborn proves to be her untimely demise.  Sorry, T-Bone—I’ll make sure they serve this hummus at your funeral.

Shout out to Falbo’s for giving us FREE SODAS and someone else’s slightly messed up pizza for only $5 this weekend. You guys are the shit.  So are your spinach/tomato/garlic slices.  Your 25 cent surcharge for the use of a debit card is kind of douche-y, but we can work past this.  Oh, and you can’t hold a candle to Mesa Pizza, the best by-the-slice place in all the land.

Now I shall put on my movie critic hat.  Have you seen Seven Pounds with Will Smith and Rosario Dawson?  If you said yes, I’m sorry.  I’d like those two hours of my life back as well.  If you’ve managed to keep said piece of shit film out of your life so far, I’M JEALOUS.  The most boring, plod-along, contrived, can see the end coming a mile away, not in the least bit interesting movie perhaps ever made in the history of time.  As Bestie summarized: Guy inadvertently kills seven people.  Guy gives life to save seven people.  Two boring plot sentences turned into two UNBEARABLE HOURS!!!

I have been at the library for an hour now and done… absolutely nothing to get me closer to my deadline.  This story will not get published anyway (the whole point of this freelance class, apparently).  I choose practicality over blind optimism anyday.