While the growing pains of going back to class are slowly working themselves out, it is safe to say I am psyched for the next chapter of my life. The job hunt part, the getting back to the office and have meetings and a desk and getting satisfaction from my work part, heck– even the “I’m so busy/stressed/overwhelmed I could puke part,” because it means I’m doing something. During my internship and even sometimes just jobs as a student, the signs of a budding workaholic have started to emerge. (Somehow this has never, ever translated into being a study-aholic. Huh.) Over the summer on my weekends off, I’d be up early on a Sunday at 713, writing cover letters, sending emails, doing research for our events at work. (Can I say where I worked yet? I think I can, it’s over with. It was a zoo. No, an actual zoo.) I’ve officially had five days of class this semester and already had two job/internship interviews, got one of them (the other was literally like 45 minutes ago, keep your fingers crossed) and have taken on at least two other side, unpaid projects that relate to my major because I want RESUME EXPERIENCE, DAMMIT. And because these things keep me much more personally fulfilled than relearning the functions of a subject and direct and indirect objects like we’ve been doing in my Languages of the World class. Sorry, lady– you’re very nice, but far too old to still be teaching, plus I learned that “cat” is a noun like twelve years ago. Another emerging theme of this semester seems to be the whole “I went abroad, now what?” thing, though it’s gotten better than me looking for flights to Munich during all free time with my laptop (that time is now reserved for looking for post-graduation PR jobs in Boston, duh.) I’m a Global Buddy for the Study Abroad office, and we have a returnee reunion this afternoon for all of us post-foreign study kids to get together and commiserate over why the hell America has such stringent open container laws. Finally, in other WAY more exciting news– this weekend is the kick-off of what is sure to be the Iowa Hawkeyes’ greatest football season to date. The only thing that trumps my excitement for tailgating this weekend is that the Iowa vs. Iowa State game is next weekend already. And the only thing that possibly trumps my excitement for that is that the movie The Town comes out not even a week after that and it’s set in Boston and is by the same people as The Departed and you can bet NPH and I will demand Coral Ridge Mall has a midnight showing for it.

Did the lack of potassium kill her?!?! Nope, I just kinda forgot I had a blog there for about a week.  The good news is, I went back to the doctor and my electrolyte levels are back to where they need to be– no more health-related posts!!  NPH not only visited me at work when he got into town on Friday, but was also quite impressed when I introduced him to Famous Dave’s.  We made the trek to Adventureland Saturday morning– holy humidity, Batman– and the first four parking lots were already full when we pulled up 20 minutes after it opened.  Also, turns out the parking stand people only take cash which presents a few problems for college students who are slaves to their debit cards and don’t put much time into pre-planning their theme park day trips.  After making it through the gates and gooing on a ridiculous amount of sunscreen, we headed off to wait in line for the Raging River (I.HATE.LINES.)  Neil was previously a security guard at Six Flags so proclaimed “This is nothing!” as I whined about it for the duration.  All our loitering did provide ample time for people watching which is usually interesting, though watching and eavesdropping on the crowd at the biggest attraction in Altoona, Iowa made me more sad than intrigued.  When we finally got to the front of the line, three teenage boys from Kansas City, Missouri were also in our tube (how do I know this?  They introduced themselves.  And it only got better from there.)  I felt kind of bad for them because they were at the peak of social awkwardness in their lives– voices were cracking, whiteheads were ripe for the popping, hive fives were given after one of them got particularly splashed when we rammed into a wall.  ”Dude, you sooo have to give Brenna a hug after this.”  ”Ohmygod no, dude– she’d so kill me.  Haha dude you’re right, I’m so gonna get Brenna all wet.” My definition of the seventh circle of hell?  Close.  We rode a few roller coasters after that which weren’t as thrilling as I remember them being as a child, though Neil laughing maniacally next to me as I screamed for Jesus to save me before I surely plummeted to my death was a new couple-y experience.  After lunch (who knew they served beer at Adventureland?!) and NPH’s first funnel cake (which was GROSS, but the poor thing hasn’t been to the State Fair yet so still deemed this nasty imposter cake delicious) the humidity rose as our patience for the screaming children around us tanked.  Somehow we found ourselves in a  bar watching the USA lose the World Cup game to Ghana, then may have ended up at my house to drink more and watch Step Brothers. I know the first half of that damn movie by heart, but since there’s always a case of some cheap domestic brew involved, the second half of the movie is kind of hit-or-miss for me.  After two days of work, I spent my day off today helping my grandparents get their garden ready for a garden tour in a week or so.  And by “helped” I mean kinda spray-painted some stuff, wandered the house, ate a weird amount of chicken salad for not liking mayo, and then tried unsuccessfully to fix their printer.  Productive day?  Oh my yes.

Today and tomorrow are my weekend since I’m working on Friday night and Saturday.  Our family four-pack hit up the movie theater before noon so Papa K and I could see Iron Man 2 while T-Bone and the brother went to some Robin Hood snooze-fest.  Two buckets of kettle corn and over two hours of the ridiculous hotness that is Robert Downey, Jr. make for a pretty great afternoon.  The movie was actually much better than I was anticipating– better than the first, far better than most sequels.  I was also insanely jealous of the Louboutin’s both Gwenyth and Scarlett were sporting in even their most harrowing of action scenes. Our movie got out before the Men in Tights one, so Dad and I headed over to Panera to stock up on carbs for God knows what reason.  The bakery section, once enough to bring me to my knees and possibly tears, was quite frankly pathetic.  Four months in Europe has made me quite the elitest bitch when it comes to pastries.  We ended up with a baguette and loaf of sourdough (and maybe some other things, but that’s neither here nor there) for sandwiches and what not later.  To be fair, Germany is lacking in the bagels department while America seems to have it’s bases well covered with them.

When I’m not at work, I feel quite lazy.  And lonely, but that’s because any friends of decent importance are two hours away in various directions.  My ass needs to get back into motion (really, any sort of physical motion at all) because I will soon grow bed sores and become one with my mattress.  I went to the library and checked out a book (a fiction one!  That I’ve been reading for pleasure) and alternate my time with that, the Internet, and sweet sweet slumber.  My ice cream consumption has also skyrocketed exponentially, perhaps directly correlated with the outside temperature, though probably more to do with the awesome new flavors at the Korner Kone just down the road.  In retrospect, this post has basically reported to the world all of the heinous overeating I did today.

Somewhere in my house is my wallet with credit cards, multiple forms of real and fake identification, some loyalty punch cards, perhaps a stray HyVee Chinese fortune.  Unfortunately, I have no idea where in the house it is, and it’s KIND OF something I’ll be needing very soon.  Like to board an airplane.  No big deal or anything.

Mom, Savannah, and I went to see It’s Complicated today because who doesn’t love Meryl Streep (or even Alec Baldwin.  I want to hate him because he seems like such an ass in real life but WHO CARES because he’s in The Departed and him saying “Paaaaatriot Act!!!” is one of me and NPH’s favorite movie lines of all time.)  Well let me tell you– if you are one of the few 40 year old and over readers, close out of this screen right now and run small children and animals down in your frenzy to get to the movie theater.  If you are anywhere near college age or just generally don’t want to even think about what it must be like for your parents or professors to be together between the sheets DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE.  So much old people sex.  So much fleshy Alec Baldwin.  So much divorcee humor.  So much kettle corn inhaling (oh wait, that was just me.  And Savannah– I’ll throw her under this bus, too.)

After the movie we returned THE raincoat from Christmas and got a super classy charcoal gray/black coat that I LOVE and fits like a glove and was on super sale and it just awesome.  I look so damn sophisticated in it, no small feat mind you.  Props to Mom and Savannah for putting up with my in-store antics, too much kettle corn will do that to a person (my inner five-year-old also followed us to the parking lot where I drew a swastika and male genitalia on the undefrosted windows of my mother’s vehicle.  She was not super pleased with my behavior.  OOPS.)

THEN Savannah and I were all “Wow.  Way too much fun for one night.  Let’s head into the GREAT METROPOLIS of Adel, Iowa to see what shenanigans await us.”  And do you know what we did?  Not a goddamn thing.  I hate this town.  So lame.  Nay, it’s a quaint town, methinks it’s the people in it who really just make me contemplate how much slitting my wrists would actually hurt (again, if you are a mandatory reporter– step down, apparently making slight suicide references is just a phase I’m in.)  To give you a hint, the most entertaining interactions we had were in the Kum ‘n Go parking lot which is actually a step up from our normal meeting place, the Subway parking lot.

Tomorrow we’re going to church, only this time there probably won’t be a REAL BABY playing my savior so it’ll be kinda way more lame than last time.  Today I got ALL PACKED for the cruise so tomorrow will be more packing for Germany/ tearing the house apart in search of my wallet/ trying to figure out how to get a working laptop to Germany without actually spending any money (my father says I can’t afford to pay attention, let alone buy a new one.  Excellent.  Apparently personal finances really aren’t my thing.)

I painted my fingernails today (bright pink) AND toenails (silver sparkles.)  No need to tell me how excited you are this new nugget of information.

Our trip to Des Moines was a rousing success, minus not doing so well with all the one way streets, not realizing there’s a difference between 6th and East 6th, and parking near where we believed KCCI was located, but having to actually run up a hill in heels because we were nowhere close.  Running a 5K in jeans and now footraces in formalwear?  Hold your applause until the end, please

Last night’s continuation of “I don’t even know who turns 21 this weekend but I’m following a large group of people downtown under the promise of lots of pitcher” involved me getting to wear a cardboard crown from Burger King in public.  I was the Burger Queen.  The Burger Queen was pretty proud of herself that the crown made it unharmed the entire night and was still on the couch this morning.  At some point I also acquired a medium-sized stick which I used to conduct a roomful of people in a melodious rendition of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” 

A friend and I decided this morning that toast is perhaps the most underrated food in the history of the world, so we set out in search of some.  Did we grab some bread from the kitchen and put it in the toaster?  OF COURSE NOT.  We went to a diner neither of us have ever been to and got omelettes because they came with toast (and hashbrowns!  And fruit!)  It generally did not bother me that every single other patron, mostly middle-agers or nice families, was openly staring at me.  APPARENTLY my scarecrow-esque hair and raccooned slept-in eye make-up and bright green t-shirt that’s supposed to look like doctor’s scrubs (complete with stethescope and fake blood)  provided some early morning entertainment for my fellow patrons.  That or they were just really afraid that Homeless Meth Addict Girl was going to steal their food.   I should have worn my crown.

The toast though…. wtf.  You know exactly what kind of toast I was expecting– the perfectly buttered, crunchy piece cut into triangles.  This toast was CHEWY.  Like, not crunchy.  Ch-EW-y.  There was a choice between white, wheat, rye or an English muffin.  I ordered the white– I never order the white.  Perhaps THIS TOAST is the very reason I never order white.  So disappointing.  I even tried to put some jelly on it, but to no avail.  The toast and I had to part ways.  You probably don’t need two guesses as to what I’ll be fixing myself tomorrow morning.

Continuing my thankful ’til Thanksgiving challenge, today I am thankful for… my mama because she’s currently working on the (approximately) ten loads of laundry I brought home with me.  I will be working as some sort of indentured servant tomorrow to prepare for Family Thanksgiving #1 though, so really, it all evens out.

We saw 2012 today and holy blecccchhhh.  I was hand-to-mouthing kettle corn the entire time, though, so the three hours we  spent in the theater were not in vain.  It was cliched from beginning to end– the phrase “whenever we’re together, that’s where home is” was even used.  You can tell it wanted to be Armageddon but NOTHING CAN BE so don’t even try John Cusack… don’t you even try.

I get to go make a french silk pie now.  BE JEALOUS.

The main library is approximately 200 degrees.  This is in no way an exaggeration.  I’ve gotten here long before the rush, but don’t worry—I still won’t be productive for at least another two hours.  I am currently enjoying Mediterranean salad, hummus & a pita from OASIS, the best best best falafel joint in the world!  They also happen to package these little lunch packs for convenient purchase with a swipe of the ol’ U-Bill at the library café downstairs.  The students who are here sneered at me like the complete imposter I am when I rolled up in my jangly airplane sneakers (note to self: do not wear these shoes when carrying out sneak attacks.)  I have found a nice two person table to myself in the corner and I SWEAR to all that is holy if someone comes up and sits across from me, completely overstepping personal boundaries, I will cut a bitch.  Unless said bitch turns out to be an attractive male between the ages of 18-25, preferably with dark hair and an affinity for bucking authority.

Do you think people judge me when they see me smelling my food before I eat it?  Most of you probably did not know that about me, but alas, I am one of the 2.7% of Americans who lives with the uncontrollable urge to sniff their food before consuming it.  Yeah, be grossed out.

In other way more important news… MY PLANE TICKETS ARRIVED TODAY.  They are so going under my pillow so I can talk to them before I go to sleep every night.

Oh my sweet golly—can I have my wedding cake frosted in this hummus?!  I saw they also are selling sweet potato chips downstairs.  Someday, if I ever have a terrible break-up or something, please refrain from bringing me a pint of ice cream & a spoon—bring me Oasis hummus and those sweet potato chips to dip in it.

My mom just dialed me on her cell phone with her butt or something and didn’t realize it.  I’m now listening to a sweet voicemail of her tap dancing or being eaten by wolves—it’s all quite muffled.  Hopefully she’s not in some grave danger and her split-second decision to call her firstborn proves to be her untimely demise.  Sorry, T-Bone—I’ll make sure they serve this hummus at your funeral.

Shout out to Falbo’s for giving us FREE SODAS and someone else’s slightly messed up pizza for only $5 this weekend. You guys are the shit.  So are your spinach/tomato/garlic slices.  Your 25 cent surcharge for the use of a debit card is kind of douche-y, but we can work past this.  Oh, and you can’t hold a candle to Mesa Pizza, the best by-the-slice place in all the land.

Now I shall put on my movie critic hat.  Have you seen Seven Pounds with Will Smith and Rosario Dawson?  If you said yes, I’m sorry.  I’d like those two hours of my life back as well.  If you’ve managed to keep said piece of shit film out of your life so far, I’M JEALOUS.  The most boring, plod-along, contrived, can see the end coming a mile away, not in the least bit interesting movie perhaps ever made in the history of time.  As Bestie summarized: Guy inadvertently kills seven people.  Guy gives life to save seven people.  Two boring plot sentences turned into two UNBEARABLE HOURS!!!

I have been at the library for an hour now and done… absolutely nothing to get me closer to my deadline.  This story will not get published anyway (the whole point of this freelance class, apparently).  I choose practicality over blind optimism anyday.

56 days til Christmas…

Halloween is probably my least favorite holiday (Valetine’s Day for some reason has always ranked #1) but this year I am inexplicably already a CHRISTMAS nutcase.

Example one: I have been listening to holiday music on Pandora for the past week.  My co-workers are quite concerned for my already questionable mental health.

Example two: I really, really wish it were possible to get all my work done in the next month and spend the entire month of December at my grandmother’s house, the most decked-out Christmas wonderland of a place that you cannot even wrap your mind around.  She’s got the tunes pumping through the house 24/7, soooo many presents, I LOVE WRAPPING PRESENTS, baking cookies, checking my stocking on the hour.  She has a tree in every room of the house (every.room.  Bathrooms, hallways, etc.)

Example three: It is currently raining.  I actually wished it were snow today.  WHAT?!  I hate the cold.  Every year I swear it gets colder and I turn into an 80-year-old curmudgeon and check on condo prices in Florida.  Bestie is often perplexed by my constant state of freezing, “You’ve lived in Iowa your entire life.  Get over it.”  My freshman year here we had TWO snow days (I still made it to work and was rewarded with fresh-baked cookies and getting off early since if there’s one thing psych patients don’t put up with– which is actually quite a long list– it’s blizzard-like conditions.)

Example four:  I am kicking myself for not stealing the giant bag of Christmas cookie cutters my mother has stored away in the basement.  I saw them when digging for possible Halloween costumes (WHERE were the pumpkin cookie cutters, mother? ARE YOU HOLDING OUT ON ME!??!)  Thankfully, Roomie is more than supportive of my holiday frenzy and I’m having grand visions of us dancing about in the kitchen, a cloud of powdered sugar rising as we dance to Bing Crosby.  Seriously, I may need a CAT scan.

I have a few theories as to why I’ve been bitten by the jolly holiday bug so early, besides my obvious love of getting gifts and eating food.

1.  Christmas last year, no offense to anyone I spent it with, sucked the big one.  Mid-November through New Year’s Eve was just one giant shitstorm of suck.  These were due to personal circumstances and my inability to maturely deal with grown-up situations, so I mostly pouted a lot and was a giant bitch to everyone.  Christmas Maniac Brittney of ‘09 promises to sing a different tune.

2.  For some reason, being off at college and all, sometimes I like… miss my family.  Que horror!  I’m getting all nostalgic about Christmas (laaaaame sauce, Brittney) and superflippinexcited to be thrust in the whirlwind of crazies-on-crazies (I say this now, but know that when there I will have sporadic urges to hurl myself off the roof.  Ahhh, family.)  Also, with my trip to ze fatherland looming two months away, I’ll have to milk my time with these people for all it’s worth.

3.  CMT has been playing Christmas Vacation, the absolute best Christmas movie of all time– no discussion, please, I am right– for no reason at all.  I don’t know that I have ever watched CMT in my life, but it was on a couple weeks ago and thankfully Bestie also has a health Clark Griswold appreciation so we WATCHED IT and it was AMAZING and he was not at all freaked out that I can do every single line from the movie VERBATIM.  And they’ve kept playing it. I even looked up CMT.com *shudder* and there was nothing on their Web site to acknowledge that playing Christmas movies in the October was anything out of the ordinary.  At least somebody there knows what’s up.

In closing… I am now going to class even though it’s pouring and even though I don’t want to go, don’t try and talk me out of it.  Boo.  BOO.  <– ooooh see, I’m still kinda in the Halloween spirit.

Where will I be one week from today??

HOME!!

Who’da thunk I could get so excited to return to a place I was once counting down the days, hours, minutes until I could leave?  Ahh, maturation.  I’m headed back to the mothership so my family & I can roll on down to KC for my cousin’s wedding, something I’m oddly really excited for.  Perhaps it’s because of the BARBECUE REHEARSAL DINNER, you read that right: Bar.Be.Cue.  I might try to sneak the bestie down as well so we can have a taste-off (pretty much our only marketable skill is our combined extensive knowledge of a wide assortment of BBQ sauces– we’ll probably write a book.)  At my other cousin’s wedding I cried– wtf– so let’s hope there’s not a repeat performance, but something about weddings & graduations make me weepy?  Lame.

You should be insanely jealous of how my apt smells right now because yellow cupcakes were just pulled outta the oven.  Holy yum sauce.  They’ll get some chocolate frosting later and then get taken to another friend’s 21st birthday party (this is supposed to be like a classy ladies-only get together… weird) and I was commissioned for the cake. 

Someone take me to a movie.  I do not want to see Where the Wild Things Are.  Unlike apparently the rest of the world, I was not a large fan of the book growing up.  All I remember of it was its hellacious length.  If they made If you Give a Mouse a Cookie into a movie, now THERE’S some great cinema.