Cottage cheese is the bomb dot com.

Apparently I’m intimidating.  We were given feedback from our peers in one of my classes, and the instructor said “at first your group members found you intimidating, but later realized that was not the case.”  Roomie corroborates this character assessment.  I find this laughable, yet not surprising.  Usually people just say I’m a stone cold bitch when they first meet me.  More acquaintances than I can count have said to me, “You know, when so-and-so first introduced me to you, I thought you hated me.”  Methinks this goes back to the whole awkward thing.  And that I’m usually generally uninterested in meeting new people.  Especially if they are female.  As Neil pointed out today, I automatically assume an adversarial role with all unknown females in a situation.  I do not know why this is. 

Also, when I tell my friends that I am the least confrontational person they know and that I HATE conflict, they laugh in my face.  So apparently I’m an intimidating bitch who wants to rough your shit up.  You’ve been warned.

Tomorrow is my brother’s birthday.  He will be 19.  He will not be getting a birthday present from me 1.) I do not have the funds.  2.) We’ve never been big birthday gift exchangers. 3.) He told me people only think I’m funny when I bitch about stuff.  So he can just go shove it.

OH, so Neil never came to my house last night for the BBQ thing because his car started smoking on the interstate and he spent the majority of his afternoon waiting for it in a repair shop (he has assured me this was not a tall tale in order to get out of meeting my parents.)  So I decided to pack up and head back to the ol’ IC early and boy howdy I’m glad I did.  Not that over a week at home wasn’t fun and all, but last night was a quality evening that could not have been had elsewhere. 

Did you know that part of Turkey is in Europe and part of it is in Asia?  I’d like to think there’s a giant sign that says NOW ENTERING ASIA or something, and a nice tourist-trap type photo op where you can be on two continents at once.  NPH says I am an idiot. 

You know what’s on the ol’ jellyvision tonight?  Family Guy AND Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew.  Boy howdy my night is set, if I can keep my eyes open.  Then the best friend and I have a date with the grill because THIS GUY found a new BBQ sauce at Hy-Vee and we gotta test it out.  I’ve obviously already tried a dab of it, it tastes like barbecue potato chips.  Roomie was all, “Umm, crazy pants, why are you drinking barbecue sauce?”  And then I CUT HER THROAT with a kitchen knife cuz I’m so INTIMIDATING!!!  …or maybe I just said, “Not drinking, just sampling.”  And she thought, “The girl I live with has serious issues.  That tall Shrek-looking kid she’s always hanging out with has really poisoned her brain.”  Hey, if sticking your finger in a jar of sauce and discerning the aroma like a fine wine is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right.

I should absolutely not be blogging right now.  I STILL have not nailed down a topic for my term paper due Thursday which I have to get done before then because the MIDTERM for that class is the same day.  Imagine Wednesday night for me just being spectacularly fun.  Perhaps if I start writing nonsense on the blogosphere, my creative juices for Legal Issues in Mass Communication will also start flowing. HA.

Last night Bestie and I discovered the movie The Ten with Paul Rudd in it.  That’s correct– Paul Rudd has starred in a film that we DID NOT KNOW even existed.  We were really upset with ourselves over this fact, but mostly just really excited because the movie is all sorts of fucked up AND he does a musical number at the end.  There is a poster of Paul Rudd in 713’s living room, a shrine, if you will.  When I asked Bestie to articulate exactly why they’re all so gung-ho over Mr. Rudd, he replied simply, “Because he is hot.”   I concur.  He reached his hotness peak in Wet Hot American Summer, but like a fine wine, he really only gets better with time.  I mostly like him because his awkwardness level in I Love You Man almost rivals mine in real life.

In other GIANT LIFE-ALTERING NEWS: Slash will be on the George Lopez show on TBS tonight!!!!!  Giggity goodness, people.  SLASH will be on the TELEVISION and I will be WATCHING HIM.  My suicide over this week’s workload so just got postponed until tomorrow.  Charlie Sheen will also be on, and anyone with half a brain or who has read the should-be-award-winning autobiography Slash (I have an autographed copy, because I know you were wondering) knows that those two are way good buds.  They go way back. Kind of like me and Slash… in my fantasy world where I spend most of my day. 

Perhaps I will go make myself a ham sandwich.  Or eat some soup out of a can.  Or run into oncoming traffic– really anything to keep me from this effin’ research paper.  If there’s one thing I hate in this world more than people who invite themselves to me (because really, isn’t that everyone’s number one pet peeve?) it’s RESEARCH.  People who do it for a living are in a whole other realm of crazy to me.  Who CARES?!  If the information is already written down, why do I have to find it and re-word it and stretch it out into a bunch of pages and spit it back to you?  I’m quite certain my professor is much more well-versed on Article 10 of the European Convention of Human Rights than I am, so perhaps he should be writing a paper for me on it.  I’d probably at least skim it.  (<– Ok, that was a dirty, dirty lie.  I would throw it away recycle it.)

Oh, and since we’re rockin’ a little over a week until Thanksgiving, today I am thankful for… the hospital workers who were putting up Christmas decorations today.  Because you know what that means: they’re going to replace the normal muzak in the halls to CHRISTMAS MUSIC pretty soon and then I will have total permission to walk with a spring in my step when pushing my God-forsaken cart of charts all over the blank-blankin’ hospital (did you know that beast is 1/4 of a mile from one end to the other?  And you wonder why I’ve suddenly developed the athletic prowess of an indigenous African…)

In closing, Roomie has concoted what smells like macaroni & cheese if Jesus himself were to make it.  I shall go investigate.

It will be a miracle if I make it through this week.

If you put up entire Facebook albums of your cats, I judge you.

Thanksgiving 1 of 3 was a success.  Lots of food.  My french silk pie was bomb-diggity.

I had my first dream last night about leaving for Germany– I was saying good-bye to my friends and sobbing.  Excellent.  Let’s hope the actual parting of ways will be much less of a shitshow. 

There is something in my contact.  It has been there all day.  I hope it’s not a hair like last time.  There was an actual HAIR from my HEAD in my EYE.  When I finally discovered what it was and pulled it out and showed it to a lady at work she was all “Ewwww” and I was all “This is the coolest thing everrrrr.” 

The guy from Man vs. Food, Adam Richman, is coming to town on Thursday to, I don’t know, talk about himself and food I guess.  I have a ticket though I’m not sure that I want to go.  I don’t know anyone else going.  And if he’s not eating then… whatever.  We’ll see if I even make it to Thursday.

The good news of going home is that Mom gave me a loaf of bread.  Our apartment already houses a toaster, and now I have bread?  I think you know what this means.  Saturday morning’s toast fail will be long forgotten tomorrow morning. 

Have you heard the new duet by Boys Like Girls and Taylor Swift, “Two Is Better Than One”?  BLLLEEEECCCHHH.  Yes, cruel world, I realize two is better than one.  What if you can’t have two though?  What if you are destined to only be one forever?  I mean, I sooooo enjoyed no less than four relatives today asking if I was dating anyone, how my “love life” is, and then one going, “So really?  No love life?”  Yep.  None.  Zero. Dead in the water.  Complete asexual– THAT’S ME.  Or perhaps– and follow me on this, I realize it’s a far stretch– I’m a junior in college and not actually looking to put on a ring on it anytime soon.  WOAH-UH.  I know, your mind was just blown. 

Bestie told me the other day that I had “spunk”.  So today I am thankful for… my spunk.  You probably don’t have spunk like I do.  That’s okay– I’ve been working on mine for awhile.  Maybe I was born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline.

Roomie would like you to know that “Brady and Moss together are ridiculous.”  Which means good.  She is from that Satan place Massachusetts and thus is a “Pats” fan (that means Patriots).  Tom Brady isn’t exactly hard to look at.  Hehe.  Hard.

Do you know what’s awesome?  CANNED PUMPKIN.  Eating it out of the can with a spoon is diviiiiiine.  I’m chock-full of Vitamin A, bay-bay (it rhymed, get it?)

So today I went on a little cleaning spree, and by little I mean Roomie may have been concerned I tried meth for the first time because MAN I was productive.  My room, bathroom, kitchen = sparkling.  It’s probably because I will be having guests next weekend!  Our PRSSA chapter is coming to my apartment for a very low-key/chill/relaxing social full of chips/puppy chow/board games/movies/getting to know you stuff.  We will cross the seating bridge when we come to it, but there will most definitely be some people pulling up blankets on the floor.

Guess what else I did today?! PACKED.  Anything in my room that wasn’t nailed down and I couldn’t foresee using in the next month and a half went into a bag or box.  Watch out, Mom & Pops, I’m bringing home a carload.  I love cleaning out drawers, shelves, throwing stuff away.  I found some great stuff too– a letter from my great-grandma– and pitched tons of useless stuff I’ve been saving since college started.  I am ready ready ready to go.  Sometimes I wonder if I’ll be one of those people who moves a lot when they’re older…

Unfortunately, my neck/shoulders are still qiute messed up– I must be sleeping wrong at night.  Tension headaches are nooooo fun, I haven’t had one in quite a while.  Time to call up the ol’ chiropractor before I take flight eastward.

Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew is on.  Um, YES PLEASE.  Move over, Intervention– this is hilarious.

My hair is reallllly really red.  Think Lucille Ball.  Or Daphne from Scooby-Doo.  I probably won’t dye it back because this will come out in a certain number of washes anyway and I dont’ care enough to do anything about it until then. 

Our group for the Halloween bar crawl looked amazing.  There was a matador, his bull, Robin Hood, the entire cast of the Office, Ned Flanders, a surgeon, Hannah Montana, etc.  One bar was having it’s Halloween party a night early so it was wall-to-wall with some really great costumes; I saw the most spot-on Bret Michaels and kind of wanted my picture taken with him.  Kind of.

6:30 am Saturday came all too soon, but Daphne made it out of bed, grabbed a bunch of Halloween cupcakes and hit up kegs n eggs which was super fun.  Also, while I thought the cupcakes were a tad dry, it apparently doesn’t take too much to appease a houseful of college guys.  “This is the best cupcake I’ve ever had, I may have fallen just a little in love with you.”  I’m sure the fact that they were stone cold sober helped as well.

Bestie and I watched the game at his house– I managed to flip an entire DiGiornio pizza over in the oven onto the burner, rendering it inedible.  That game was a nail-biter, but somehow the Hawkeyes pulled their heads out of their asses in time to win by the largest margin than they have since the ISU game.  9-0!!

Work was fairly entertaining with customers all costumed-up until I got a MASSIVE tension headache thingy from sleeping all wrong on my neck.  The last couple hours were completely miserable– I had to bitch out on going out on actual Halloween and was in bed by 8:15.  I would wake up every couple hours because of the pain, but it appears to be gone after twelve hours of sleep.  So the good news is I’ve been up for quite some time and have nothing to do today but some homework and cleeeeeean.

Today is the first of the month– rent is due, 7 months until my birthday, 2 months and 5 days until I fly to GERMANY!!  Papa K’s got the tickets all nailed down, I’m pretty psyched that we get a meal from Chicago to Frankfurt.  I’ll be hauling out some boxes soon and packing up my room– since I have to go home so often between now and Christmas (three weekends in a row in November…) I’ll take small loads each time.  Oh and hey, if you know someone who needs to sublease an apt for second semester, I’m your girl.

In conclusion, I would like some ice cream.  I need to do laundry today.  I had a black bean patty from Which Wich for breakfast– it was bombtastic, even though I made it last night.  Ooh peanuts and candy corn would be good, too.   Roomie is sick, if she gets me sick, I will murder her then drive all night to Mexico.  Bed is calling again… at 9:30 am.

56 days til Christmas…

Halloween is probably my least favorite holiday (Valetine’s Day for some reason has always ranked #1) but this year I am inexplicably already a CHRISTMAS nutcase.

Example one: I have been listening to holiday music on Pandora for the past week.  My co-workers are quite concerned for my already questionable mental health.

Example two: I really, really wish it were possible to get all my work done in the next month and spend the entire month of December at my grandmother’s house, the most decked-out Christmas wonderland of a place that you cannot even wrap your mind around.  She’s got the tunes pumping through the house 24/7, soooo many presents, I LOVE WRAPPING PRESENTS, baking cookies, checking my stocking on the hour.  She has a tree in every room of the house (every.room.  Bathrooms, hallways, etc.)

Example three: It is currently raining.  I actually wished it were snow today.  WHAT?!  I hate the cold.  Every year I swear it gets colder and I turn into an 80-year-old curmudgeon and check on condo prices in Florida.  Bestie is often perplexed by my constant state of freezing, “You’ve lived in Iowa your entire life.  Get over it.”  My freshman year here we had TWO snow days (I still made it to work and was rewarded with fresh-baked cookies and getting off early since if there’s one thing psych patients don’t put up with– which is actually quite a long list– it’s blizzard-like conditions.)

Example four:  I am kicking myself for not stealing the giant bag of Christmas cookie cutters my mother has stored away in the basement.  I saw them when digging for possible Halloween costumes (WHERE were the pumpkin cookie cutters, mother? ARE YOU HOLDING OUT ON ME!??!)  Thankfully, Roomie is more than supportive of my holiday frenzy and I’m having grand visions of us dancing about in the kitchen, a cloud of powdered sugar rising as we dance to Bing Crosby.  Seriously, I may need a CAT scan.

I have a few theories as to why I’ve been bitten by the jolly holiday bug so early, besides my obvious love of getting gifts and eating food.

1.  Christmas last year, no offense to anyone I spent it with, sucked the big one.  Mid-November through New Year’s Eve was just one giant shitstorm of suck.  These were due to personal circumstances and my inability to maturely deal with grown-up situations, so I mostly pouted a lot and was a giant bitch to everyone.  Christmas Maniac Brittney of ‘09 promises to sing a different tune.

2.  For some reason, being off at college and all, sometimes I like… miss my family.  Que horror!  I’m getting all nostalgic about Christmas (laaaaame sauce, Brittney) and superflippinexcited to be thrust in the whirlwind of crazies-on-crazies (I say this now, but know that when there I will have sporadic urges to hurl myself off the roof.  Ahhh, family.)  Also, with my trip to ze fatherland looming two months away, I’ll have to milk my time with these people for all it’s worth.

3.  CMT has been playing Christmas Vacation, the absolute best Christmas movie of all time– no discussion, please, I am right– for no reason at all.  I don’t know that I have ever watched CMT in my life, but it was on a couple weeks ago and thankfully Bestie also has a health Clark Griswold appreciation so we WATCHED IT and it was AMAZING and he was not at all freaked out that I can do every single line from the movie VERBATIM.  And they’ve kept playing it. I even looked up CMT.com *shudder* and there was nothing on their Web site to acknowledge that playing Christmas movies in the October was anything out of the ordinary.  At least somebody there knows what’s up.

In closing… I am now going to class even though it’s pouring and even though I don’t want to go, don’t try and talk me out of it.  Boo.  BOO.  <– ooooh see, I’m still kinda in the Halloween spirit.

Costume shopping was a success and I am going as…

Daphne from Scooby-Doo! 

It was between her, Velma, or one of the wives from the Flintstones (character costumes were way cheaper at Second Act and I had no motivation or ideas to making something from scratch.)  Bestie was the ultimate decider with his much-appreciated input: “You’d get to have cool hair with Daphne.  You will get hot in Velma’s sweater.”   Betty and Wilma had weird foam hairpieces anyway, not that the giant BRIGHT ORANGE monstrosity that looks nothing like the above picture is much better, but I have til Friday to tame it.  He is going as Mr. Rogers, or as he put it “Me but with a sweater vest.”  Ahh, also so much more practical and economical that one.

I kind of want to see the Michael Jackson documentary. 

I’m making Halloween themed cupcakes and sugar cookies for Saturday morning tailgating and am so excited.

Friday will be a busy day of touring Eastern Iowa companies, learning about PR and marketing and networking and eating free lunch and taking notes and asking compelling questions and lots of smiling and awkward introductions and being really uncomfortable in dress clothes.

Roomie just came out to show me her Twister board costume.  She looks very cute in it (p.s. I HATE, hate, hate, loathe when people call me “cute”, but it’s okay for girls to say it of their peers.) 

In conclusion, I have stayed up too late yet again, have failed to do laundry yet again (I have officially run out of towels, at this point it’s now become a necessity) but helped in the once-every-three-months trash overhaul at 713 and watched a documentary on morbidly obese pregnant women with Bestie.  Chalk today up as a W.

Hate: the dishwasher.  Dear dishwasher, you are supposed to clean the dishes.  Not leave weird pieces of food congealed on said dishes.  I tried to unload you today, but physically had to remove myself from the situation lest I kick you and something bad happens (i.e. I have to do my dishes by hand pff).  <– that is one of the many numeous reasons I will never have children.  I will either a.) punt kick them in moments of frustration or b.) walk off in order to calm myself from said frustration only to come back and find they’re gone.  I feel this is generally frowned upon, especially in large public places.

Love: paper towels (apparently another hate: the environment?)

Hate: I quit my job (the one I adore) yesterday due to me only working weekends and needing basically every weekend from now til study abroad off.  While I am deeply saddened, they said they’d probably take me back upon my return.  And yes, most of the “hate” about this one is the void free sandwiches will be leaving in my life.

Love: Pumpkin Spice lotion from Bath & Body Works. 

Hate: there were MUSHROOMS in my bag of frozen stir-fry veggies yesterday.  G.R.O.S.S.  Luckily I was able to pick out the vile poison before I choked to death and died.

Love: how FREAKIN AWESOMELY CLEAN our kitchen is.  Way to go, Roomie!!  Paired with my room which I cleaned yesterday, my living situation is for the first time in a while, actually liveable!

Hate: my left knee hurts.  Pretty much only when I go up or down stairs which is, you know, the majority of my day.  Also, I’m getting a stye in my eye.  Not like I’m going to a wedding this weekend where I’ll be a bunch of photos… oh wait a minute, yes, yes I am.

Love: bestie and I are going to find Halloween costumes at Goodwill tomorrow and have apple brats from Haight’s Hawkeye Meat Market.   I’ve missed him and that house of hooligans after a week of separation– how I long to live there one day (and by “one day” I mean next year– whaddya think, Pops??)

Hate: the ladies in my office apparently think that because it comes in limited edition Halloween colors, they need to buy ALL OF THE CANDY IN THE STORE and bring it to work.  If you haven’t realized by now, self-control isn’t one of my strong suits.  Thankfully I only work a few hours a day or I wouldn’t be able to fit through the door by Christmas.

In conclusion: the first half of my week is over.  It’s not all downhill from here, but whether I bomb my presentation tomorrow or if I only have one source for my article due Thursday or if I just stay in bed til Friday morning (that’s my pick, but hey, apparently my grades are dependent on “going to class”) I WILL be chowin’ on BBQ in KC come Friday night.  Be jealous.

WHYYYYYY, Cruel World, did I wake up at 6:15 this morning?!?!  It’s certainly not that I went to bed at any decent hour (second 21st bday celebration of the week was a success…)

An example of the power of Twitter: last night at work I was about to pass out with tiredness, so tweeted from my phone “Someone bring me coffee at work, I’m fading fast.”  Not too long after, @codyhromidko brought me a double vanilla latte from his place of employment.  I love him.  You should love him.

Roomie’s alarm just went off at 8 am.  On a Sunday.  Roomie, you are crazy.

After the game yesterday, some Web site said something about the Hawkeyes having a chance at the “Rose Bowl and beyond.”  What is beyond the Rose Bowl??  And I will eat my hat, nay, I will eat ten hats LITERALLY PUT TEN HATS IN MY MOUTH, CHEW & SWALLOW THEM if the Iowa Hawkeyes make it to the Rose Bowl this year.  It just ain’t happenin’.

I think my eyes are bleeding.  Sleep needs to return to me like now.  On one hand, I’ve never done a Powerpoint presentation before 7 am before, but I can check that one off my bucket list.  On the other hand, the amount of extreme bitchiness that I will rise to before this day is over if I don’t get more sleep is quite dangerous.

THERE ARE PEOPLE SHOUTING OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW.  Children… squealing.  This is my nightmare.

Update: Engaged & Underaged is on.  Suddenly being awake is so worth it.  There’s nothing I love more than watching my peers ruin their lives on situational reality television.

Roomie & I are watching the game– I’m feeling oddly optimistic about it, so we’ll probably lose.

Yesterday I ran my first 5K.  To clarify, when I went to said race, I had no idea I’d be running it.  That would explain why I was wearing jeans.  A group of friends had decided we were going to walk it, supporting kids with club foot and our campus PR firm who did the advertising for it.  Once we started though (we all started jogging as to not get trampled by the hardcore racers) I just kept going, not wanting to walk in the cold for almost an hour.  The jeans became kind of uncomfy at about the halfway point, and I did walk up a hill for maybe 1/4 of a mile. 

I finished in 34 minutes which I’m pretty happy with, all things considered.  I was definitely the only person who had my cell phone in my pocket, so towards the end, I called up Bestie while running, and was all “Guess what I’m doing?!  Running a 5K in jeans!”  He was quite bewildered.  The most intense physical activity he’s ever seen me do is go up the stairs when someone is using the downstairs bathroom.  Ohh that’s not true– one time I chased one of his roommates around the perimeter of his house barefoot and tried to tackle him.

My back of all things is the most sore– I figured my knees would kill– I had deplorable form.  While running, I was thinking about how I could never, never, never run a marathon.  KUDOS to the people who do, but I have no desire to run for 26.2 miles.  WHY would you?!  It’s all about the mental thing, and to be honest, I’m not that mentally tough.  A girl from my high school just completed the Chicago Marathon and qualified for Boston.  She has now said she is “addicted to marathons.”  I would rather be addicted to meth.  (<– that was kind of a joke.  Kind of.)

You know how Cheez-Its have holes in the middle?  Perfect to put a string through.  Screw candy necklaces– I will now be making millions off of my Cheez-It necklace idea.